The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
