Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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