We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize