A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
