How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
