somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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