who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
