Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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