I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
