woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
