Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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