8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
