I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If I die, sorry about rent.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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