You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
