Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
