I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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