Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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