you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
