Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
