the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
