Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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