I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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