bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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