so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
