You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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