It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Randomize
