look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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