just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
