why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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