she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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