We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
