He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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