I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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