before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
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I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
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He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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