Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
should my penis look like a turkey
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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