Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
As shirtless as possible
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
