And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
