I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
