the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
