you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
