She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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