Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
