Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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