We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
me + whiskey = a bad person
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
