just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
