I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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