i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
