Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
