DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
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the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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