Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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