I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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