things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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