dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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