im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
