That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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