I don't think brook has ever known best
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
