you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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