I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
