I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
