Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
