this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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