Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
