Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
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I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
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I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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