I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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