I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
