Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
