Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
