At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
