Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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