I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
His nipple licking is glorious
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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