I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
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I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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