I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
