if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
