I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
