just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
