Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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